The Best Gift
Everyone needs a cheerleader. We all need to know we are loved. We need to know that at least one person is rooting and cheering for us to succeed. We all need a fan! As parents, we get to be this for our kids. In fact, being a positive voice in our child’s life is crucial to developing healthy relationships and character. While oftentimes our kids need us to be coaches and hold boundaries and discipline, sometimes we get to just be a cheerleader. Most of the time we have to play both roles of coach and cheerleader! It’s a tricky balancing act. There may be times when our kids don’t exactly make us want to cheer. Moreover, we may feel the opposite – like screaming out a big, “Boo!” But, by slowly building a strong, positive foundation to the parent-child relationship, we can still be a coach and discipline without our kids feeling a withdrawal of our love.
Ideas for fostering healthy relationships with our children:
Never belittling them
Saying, “I love you,” everyday
Showing affection often
As much as possible, don’t let our kids belittle each other
Providing positive affirmations
None of these things take a lot of time or money, and they can change to fit your needs. If your child doesn’t like hugs or kisses, show your affection to him or her another way– high-fives, pats on the back, and even a, “You are awesome.” An older child will have very different feelings around affection than a toddler that loves hugs and cuddling with you. This doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t need affection, no matter how prickly he seems. Write your child a note, and put it in his or her textbook to be found later. Send your child a heart emoji randomly during the day. Write, “I love you” on a bathroom mirror. If your child can’t read, make a heart out of macaroni or cereal for her to find. Be creative. Whatever you do, make sure your child knows you love him or her despite your level of tiredness, stress, or mood.
Know that you will have times when you aren’t acting your best. It can be easy to lose our temper or hurt our children’s feelings. When something like this happens, don’t be afraid to apologize, and then act better. Model how you want your children to behave when they make mistakes. A sincere apology is another way to express love!
Parents need support too.
The first sentence of this blog entry began, “Everyone needs a cheerleader. . .,” and that includes parents. Your job as a parent is hard. You need people that acknowledge this and cheer you on. You need people that encourage and support you. Have at least one person in your life that is this positive voice for you. If you find it difficult to pinpoint this person, think of someone who you admire though she may not be geographically close or might have even passed away; imagine this person’s advice and love for you.
When my children were babies, I suffered from a brain tumor and many resulting complications. I had many very discouraging moments accompanied by lots of tears. Just getting through the day was hard, let alone being a parent. I think of all those times and wish that my 2024 self could go and speak to my 2006 self (and all the discouraged Emilys from then and now). I would say, “Keep trying. It’s worth it. You’re doing better than you think. This is so hard, but things will work out!” Imagine your future self giving you words of encouragement.
Your Greatest Strength
Jesus is your best, most constant support. He loves you, and he loves your children perfectly and completely even on your most imperfect, messy days. He wants your family to succeed. He will always be in your corner. On the hardest of days remember that Jesus sees you, he’s fighting for you, and your future is secure in his hands.
