Connecting through Family Time
Family time is a great way to connect intentionally with your kids and build strong relationships within your family. It can take on many shapes and forms within different families and even within different seasons. As your family grows and your kids mature, family time should shift and change to meet the needs of your family. Like Sabbath, family time is for your good. So, try to focus more on the principle of connection and be consistent in making time to connect and less on making sure your family follows a rigid set of rules.
Family time is a time of cultivating. As with gardening, you won’t always see the immediate results of your efforts. Remember that you are parenting for the future and in doing so, you will do a lot of planting and cultivating long before the harvest. Keep this in mind during those frustrating times when your family time just doesn’t go well. Remember that it won’t always be filled with joy and super-togetherness. Sometimes it will be a little forced, and not everyone will be overjoyed to be a part of it - think teenagers. But that’s okay. You can make it happen anyway.
Here are some tips for making family time happen for your family.
1. Start early. The earlier you start, the more natural it will be for your kids. It is easier to do when they are younger because they are more naturally inclined to want to spend time with you. Remember though, that whenever you start, it may take some getting used to. A conversation can help with paving the way for starting the habit of intentional family time.
2. Start small. Starting small will help you build the foundation. Rather than starting with an elaborately planned out, hour long family time, you can start with a 5-10 minute time of chatting about everyone’s day or week. If you can build it into something you are already doing, then that is great too. Dinner time or car rides to school are great times to be intentional. You are all already together; you just have to shift the conversation. However, if those times don't work for you, then that’s okay too. The goal is to find what works with your family’s natural rhythm and make it happen.
3. Be consistent. Be sure that whatever you decide to do, it is something that you can maintain, because consistency is important. Take some time to think about what will fit your schedule and lifestyle. Then consider how often you can keep it up. Once a month may seem insignificant, but if that’s what you feel like you can do, then it is much better than starting a daily or weekly family time that fades away after a few weeks. Start with what you can do consistently. You can always take it up a notch later.
If you do realize that you started too big, that’s okay too. Just be sure to talk to your kids about what you are trying to do. Let them know that you went a little big and that you are adjusting to make it work for the family. Even consider taking suggestions from the kids about what might work for your family. They often have great ideas and when we give them a voice, it also gives them buy-in. Buy-in is when they take ownership of something and are likely to take on a more personal responsibility for making it successful.
4. Keep it light. This can be a difficult one for rule-followers and those that need order, like me. Keeping it light, however, is important to the success of family time. Remember the purpose is to connect and build relationships within your family. So keep this in mind when you are considering what family time will look like. If you want your family time to be more structured, that is okay too. Just be careful that it does not become a power struggle about behavior, attention, etc. Also, be sure to make the activities age appropriate. If you are trying something new, then allow for some adjustments. Your kids will need time to adjust to the new routine. Also, try to avoid making it like a classroom. They probably spend enough time in a classroom and adding more can make it more of something they have to do instead of get to do.
5. Yes, you can force it. Family time is important, but not everyone will always be excited about it. You may have some pushback from your kids. It’s okay to say, yes we are doing this because it’s important. You can make the best of it or not; that is your choice. You, the parent, must to set the tone though. Just as your kids have the choice to make the best of it, so do you and they will follow your lead. So even when they push back, remember that it is normal and just try to keep the mood light. Oftentimes they will get on board, especially if they know that you are not going to give up and drop it when they resist. Just keep making it happen and keep a positive attitude. I know this is much easier said than done, but try your best. The outcome is well worth the effort you put into pouring into your family and building strong relationships.
Some ideas for Family Time activities
Do a Bible Study or devotional together. Read and discuss a chapter of the Bible. Have a family meeting and discuss different family matters and topics. Have some time to sit and chat together and see what conversation pops up. Grab some journals, coloring pages, and pens/markers, put on some music and have some time to journal or color or just sit and listen. Have a family movie night. Make a list of activities, allowing everyone to add suggestions and check them off one by one. Take a hike. Play games. Have a family story time where everyone adds to a story or talks about a favorite memory.
Family time can really be anything that promotes togetherness and connection. The goal is to spend intentional time together. You are working toward building strong relationships within your family and how you do it really depends on your family. The value will come later, when you are faced with teenagers who are seeking their independence. It is during this time that you will begin to harvest the seeds of togetherness that you have been planting.
I’d love to hear how your family connects. Leave a comment below!
